Full Moon Reflections: Releasing Control & Returning to the Mother Within

Tonight I sit by the fire, watching the flames breathe and shift, ready to release the parts of mothering that no longer serve me.

The control.

The bracing.

The unconscious fight to shape my children so that I feel safe and stable.

It has been an ongoing dance—one I didn’t choose consciously, but learned out of survival. When I sit with the heat of what gets triggered, two versions of me rise: the 18-year-old spiraling, and the 10-year-old holding her breath in the unknown. They weave together like one story.

The caretaker of my mother.

And the child who didn’t know if she would be okay.

And then the sudden loss, the collapse: Oh fuck… Mom’s gone. What do I do now?

She is still there—my younger self—treading water, doing her best to stay afloat.

Flash forward to today: I am still treading. Still scanning. Still hearing whispers from the outside world about how I’m raising my kids.

Am I doing what’s right for them?

I question that every day.

And yet, there is a fierce knowing in my gut that I cannot send them into a system that feels broken.

It has to be different.

It has to begin with me.

But Divine, I’m tired.

So, so tired.

I feel like I’m failing more often than not.

And then—hands on my shoulders.

Steady. Warm. Familiar.

My lineage anchoring me.

“My love… why haven’t you asked us for help?”

I swallow. I don’t know how to answer.

Sometimes I feel silly—like this connection is something I’ve made up, a story inside my head that only I believe.

And yet… there’s a truth to it. A pulse. A remembering.

Tonight, I feel the exhale.

The calm settling in my chest.

My mother comes through—soft, certain, unshaken.

“Slow down, my love.

I’ve never left your side.

I’ve always been with you.

I see your struggles—mirrors of my own.

But the stress, the fear… it’s not worth it.

It’s a story passed through our lineage, and it lives in you.

You have the power to change it all.”

Her voice is warm, almost pleading in love:

“Come back to this message.

Read it again.

Let it channel through you.

You are going to do great things.

Please believe in yourself.

You have to believe in yourself.”

She pauses, and I feel her hand on my heart.

“If you could see what I see within you—

if you stopped long enough to truly look—

you would never doubt again.

You are the love of the light,

and the light of the love.

You only need to believe.”

Tonight, under this full moon, I release control.

I release the old story.

I release the weight that was never mine.

And I return to the mother within me—

soft, strong, rooted, guided,

and no longer treading water alone.

In Peace, Love and Service,

Rebecca